Another psychotic Christmas
by c-wolf
Summary: The whole gang, and shopping. Run away... or laugh yourselves silly. grin
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy, and I'm slightly loopy

- - - -

Christmas revelers who had just lay down would have been shocked by the sight across town.

Outside the 24 hour K-mart, in a part of the parking lot where the video cameras couldn't reach and people couldn't see, a fight was breaking out.

Buffy looked over at Faith as she proceeded to stick an egg beater in the demon's ear and twirl it around.

"Tell me again why we had to go shopping tonight? Is it so much to ask that we wait for daylight?"

"Well, it was on our way home from slaying." Faith said as she smashed a watermelon over her opponents face."

Xander was beating his about the head with a golf club. The squelching sounds were slightly audible. "Funny, I thought Christmas was supposed to resound with singing…."

Willow shook her head as she watched one demon run away screaming with a bread stick sticking out of its rear. She cast a spell and put it out of its misery. "It's not Christmas yet."

"So much for a slow evening with a book." Giles said as he and Andrew watched the fight.

"I don't think I want to cook anymore… at least not with those utensils." Andrew then flinched as Faith shoved a fork in a particularly painful area on her dazed adversary.

"Well, I guess we had more weapons at our disposal during the big battle in Sunnydale than we thought…."

"Isn't that the truth."

"I wonder how it would have been different with kitchen utensils…."

Everyone including Buffy winced when Xander drove the club straight thru the creature's right eye and out the other side.

Buffy shook her head. "Do we still have the receipts?"

Giles grinned in a vaguely Ripper style. "I think we do."

"So what's our excuse this year?"

A car full of drunken revelers drove by at that point. "Deck the halls with boughs of holly…"

Faith shrugged. "Drunk guy stumbled into it all, and left a mess?"

Xander nodded. "Works for me."

Willow shook her head. "Poor employees, we knew them well."

Giles adjusted his glasses. "Yes, how many quit after last years festive demon entrail decorations in Lady's wear?"

Xander grinned. "Can't forget the literal hardware Blow Up in Automotive."

Giles sighed. "Yes, Willow. Could you at least avoid trying to perform a spell to see how long the tires really last while in the store?"

"Oh come on, it was an accident. How was I to know that a random cat would run into the potion?"

Andrew spoke up. "We never did figure out where that came from."

Ethan Rayne stood in the shadows across the way, and chuckled. "God bless us everyone, and Merry Christmas Ripper." He walked away cackling.


	2. Kmart Psychosis

(my mind wouldn't leave it alone. Grin)

Charlie stood at his register in sporting goods and thought about his boss. She'd hired him. This was his first day, and he was already stressed.

Laughing kids in the toy section, screaming kids being dragged by the toy section, a red head standing underneath four inflateable balls that were floating in mid-air….

He blinked, then opened his mouth.

"Excuse me."

He turned toward the one-eyed man while still in shock. The man was holding a golf club covered in something.

"A drunk man threw up…" Xander watched as the clerk ran away screaming.

Willow came up. "Xander, what did you do?"

"I just wanted to know if I could exchange the golf club." He said sheepishly.

"It's the customer service desk that handles it."

"Oh." He walked off while Willow just shook her head.

-- - - - - -

Giles sighed as he stood in the book section. Oh no, they couldn't have the classics… say eighteenth century. Then he flinched as a mother walked by with her screaming three year old in tow.

"No honey, we can't get that."

"But I want it!"

Giles sighed. Then Andrew came up.

"Giles, can we get this."

"No Andrew."

"But it will be fun."

"No Andrew."

"But look at…"

"I said no!"

Andrew pouted. "Fine. I'll ask Willow."

Giles watched as he walked away.

The mother walked back by with her screaming child.

He looked at her. "They're a handful aren't they?"

"You have no idea."

Giles adjusted his glasses as he looked toward the retreating Andrew. "Really?"

- - - - - -

"Miss, we can't let you wear lingerie out of the dressing room… even if you're wearing something underneath that's tastefull concealed."

Faith grinned. "Oh come on, I want to surprise a friend."

"Not when he's all the way across the store!" yelled the exasperated employee.

Andrew walked by, and paused. "Faith…."

She winked suggestively.

Andrew blinked and walked back to Giles.

"Well, now you've seen him…"

"Oh that wasn't the one I wanted to surprise."

A harried father saw something out of the corner of his eye. When he turned, his wife slapped him.

- - - - - -

Xander stood in line at the counter. In front of him were several customers. Behind him was a slightly tipsy man.

"Scuse me…"

Xander turned. "Yes?"

"Please, is that really yellow and purple? Or am I just seeing things."

"It really is."

"Oh." The man covered his mouth, "Excuse me." And ran off.

Xander rolled his eyes.

- - - - - - - -

Willow stood in the gardening section and looked at all the plants. She hummed as she helped a few get a little healthier. She didn't know that two employees had just come back from lunch. They cowered in a corner and watched the plants grow at a fast speed.

"There now, don't you feel better?" She asked. Then jumped when a squirrel leaped out of the tree into her little spell.

- - - - - - -

Buffy fumed as she stalked through the grocery section. She'd gotten the cooking and eating utensils first of course.

"Where are they? They were supposed to help me!"

An employee turned the corner, saw her glowering face, and turned right back around and went the other direction.

"Every year, the same thing. Buffy goes shopping for kitchen supplies, while everyone else has fun."

She paused her tirade and watched several people run by screaming followed by green tentacles with leaves growing on them.

Willow could be heard in the background. "CRAP!"

Buffy groaned.

- - - - - - - - -

They all gathered together at the register as the chaos occurred behind them.

The clerk stared blankly at them then started ringing up the items. "Paper or plastic?"

Giles looked around. "Plastic."

The clerk packed everything up. "Have a nice morning." Then he curled up in a ball on the floor and sucked his thumb.

Buffy and crew walked out into the morning light and went home.


End file.
